A newborn baby cannot do anything for himself and to ensure you respond to his needs, he will cry to communicate. We therefore have to learn what baby needs when he is crying: comfort, food, warmth, nappy change…
As time goes by we learn emotions, including happiness, sadness, fear, and anger; we are also able to communicate better.
Part of growing up is learning we can’t have everything we want and we need to control our emotions. It is not acceptable to scream and shout if we can’t have our own way, we cannot bite or lash out and it is better to listen to and consider another point of view.
Parents tend to get the brunt of temper tantrums and testing of boundaries and limits. Parents have the task of discipline and setting the boundaries and limits. We aim for the right balance; too strict and you run the risk of your child unable to communicate with you and the possibility of emotional and social problems later on. Whereas being too soft leaves the child without clear boundaries and open to risky behaviour and a range of consequences.
Your own upbringing will influence your views on discipline and your partner will have had a different childhood to yours. Not only will our upbringing affect our ideas on discipline, but the way we deal with stress and emotions. Children can certainly test you to the absolute limits!
Research has shown that intellectual intelligence has less to do with success in life than emotional intelligence. Intellectual intelligence helps us understand and navigate the world on one level, but we also need emotional intelligence in order to succeed. We all know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful because they are missing emotional intelligence.
So how does this effect your relationships as an adult? We all get angry, stressed, upset…but if you are unable to control your emotions this will have an effect on your family and the emotional development of your children. Or it could be your partner that has a problem and this can be difficult for both you and your children.
People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their emotions and their behaviour. They are able to handle life’s challenges, build strong relationships, and recover from setbacks. If you are in a relationship that is damaging to your emotional health it will also have a negative effect on your children. It is possible to get help, it may not be a simple or easy journey. It is always very difficult to change and the unknown is frightening, but without help you cannot say that things will not be worse in the future.
Depending on the problem, counselling could be the answer, it maybe that you need support and help to understand the problem to be able to support your children and partner better. Look at all options, you may also need to understand your legal position, Divorce Lawyers can help with valuable advice. Look honestly at your life and take advice to help you decide the best future for your children and yourself.