You will probably read in a thousand different places that surviving divorce is a very personal experience and each person handles the sense of loss and the emotional upheaval in different ways.
Surviving Divorce – by Shutterstock
You will be told that you have every right as the ‘injured’ party to cry and let your feelings out. No one can tell you how to feel as they aren’t walking in your shoes and every divorce is different based on personal irreconcilable differences.
All of that is true, but one thing you must always remember is that you chose to be a mum and it is your job to survive divorce for the sake of the kids. It is not something that they should suffer at a young age and it is your role as a mother to help them cope. With that said, it’s time to think about ways to help yourself cope so that you can be there for those little people who depend on you.
Think about What You Need
One of the ways in which you can learn to cope is to take the time to figure out what it is you need to get through this time. Are your worries financial? Perhaps you need some professional help getting in touch with your emotions. Sometimes it’s a matter of faith, a feeling that God has let you down. Just remember that before you can rise above your current state of unbelief or depression you need to identify the problem.
Get Help If You Have Trouble Coping
Once you have figured out where you need help, it’s time to start looking. Of course you need help getting over your feelings of anger or loss, and hopefully you are getting some kind of counselling to help you deal with what you are feeling. There is no need to struggle alone as there are groups out there that can give you direction.
Sometimes your minister at church might be able to suggest community resources and other times you may ask your solicitors who handled your divorce. The point is, don’t sit there suffering without looking for help. Your kids depend on you so it is your job to find a way to recover.
The Art of Letting Go
It may sound callous but there comes a point that you just have to let go. It isn’t easy and it won’t happen overnight. But, one day at a time and it will happen. One day you are going to wake up and find that the sun is shining and you can’t understand how you could have been in so much of a funk.
However, until that time, remember the kids depend on you to be their rock. Dad is gone and whether or not they see him on visitation, he is no longer a part of the household. Kids need stability and a sense of order. If they don’t have that their world falls apart. Yes, it sounds cold to say that you need to keep it together no matter how you feel, but that’s the truth. You are suffering but you are an adult. Cry your eyes out at night, get a sitter and walk to the park and scream to your heart’s content.
However, to the kids you are mum, you are their fortress. Don’t let it crumble before their eyes. It’s hard, but you’re a mum and you can do it.