I’m sure I can’t be alone in having Paranoid Parenting moments. We are bombared with so much information about what our children should eat, wear, play with, think etc that I often have days when I feel I’m just doing everything wrong! I berate myself for not buying organic food. I chastise myself for letting my children watch too much TV. I worry that we aren’t taking the girls on enough trips out and exposing them to enough new experiences. I worry about whether we are being too strict – or not strict enough! And so the list goes on……
But time and time again, when I’m having a paranoid moment and feeling far from the Perfect Parent, I find myself thinking back to my own childhood and remembering what we did/ate/watched as kids and how my mum dealt with us. And I have to say, it always manages to put my paranoia back into perspective!
I was a child of the 70s (see photo above taken in 1975) when convenience food, particularly frozen food, was the latest thing. We were by no means well off so food was pretty plain. My mum cooked the same kinds of meals each week – chicken on Sunday, leftovers on Monday, then a variety of things like beefburgers, fishfingers, eggs, mince, crispy pancakes and the like. We rarely ate rice or pasta – potatoes were the staple of each meal because they were cheap and filling. For pudding we had things like jelly or tinned fruit with evaporated milk, Angel Delight or rice pudding. Now compare this to what we are encouraged to feed our children today and the two are in sharp contrast - not a stirfry or fritatta in sight! My mum was feeding her family according to the trends of the time and according to her budget. I do not remember vast quantities of fruit and vegetables in the house, never mind 5 portions each day. However I was still healthy and active and had plenty of energy, and somehow managed never to get scurvy!
In terms of activities and experiences, when I wasn’t at school, I was playing with my sister at home or with friends in the village. We went away on holiday as a family twice while I was at school, both times to Butlins and we certainly weren’t going on weekly day trips to theme parks, adventure playgrounds etc. As we lived in the country we did however go on a lot of walks – but hardly ever did our outings involve spending any money. And without a doubt we had far fewer toys with which to play at home, which I am convinced led to my sister and I being creative and having wild imaginations! But I remember us being very content with what we had and enjoying making up ways to amuse ourselves.
As for TV, I have so many happy memories of watching cartoons and kids programmes – from Mr Ben, The Clangers, Trumpton, Camberwick Green and Bagpuss when I was young, right through to educational programmes like Blue Peter, Why Don’t You and Magpie when I was older. Admittedly, children’s programmes weren’t available 24/7 as they are today, but believe me, when they were on, my sister and I were watching (and my poor mum was probably breathing a huge sigh of relief!). But my point is, I loved those programmes and still think of them fondly today. And so, while these days we are made to feel that TV is the work of the devil, I hope my girls will look back fondly on the time they spent watching Peppa, Dora and Upsy Daisy!
And so, after a quick journey through my 70s childhood, I am always reminded that there is no such thing as Perfect Parenting. We are all just doing the best we can with the circumstances we are presented and the information that is available to us at the time. As society’s progress they become better informed but sometimes all that information is bewildering and overwhelming, which is why looking to the past can help put things into perspective. Our mums may not have known all that we know now, but they survived – and so did we!
Have you got any golden memories from your childhood that would be frowned upon in today’s culture of perfect parenting? Or any family traditions that you have passed on to your childen that don’t fit todays ’5-a-day’ mould? If you have we’d love to hear about them!
Brilliant post, and just so true, really puts my constant guilt trips into perspective. Thankyou!
My 5-year-old wanted to know what the 1970s were like. When, in the course of the conversation, I explained we didn’t have Cbeebies, mobile phones or DVDs she just asked ‘Didn’t you have ANY fun?’. Ahhh… youth!
Most of my childhood would be frowned upon. My brothers set up a kick boxing ring in the playroom and dislodged each others teeth, they made a raft out of an old door and some tyres and went down the river on it, leaving me on the bank to scream, we had a very ‘Good Life’ garden complete with chickens which was quite right on by today’s standards but then my brothers used to catch the chickens in lassoos and dangle them by their legs. Less right on. Happy Days.
My daughter asked me “what didn’t you have growing up”. Its quite embarrassing really how far technology has progressed since the 70′s – made me feel really old listing the lack of devices and entertainment. Although I do wish my kids could have the freedom of jumping on their bikes and cruising for the day without fear of being kidnapped, run down by a speeding car or their mother calling their cell phone every 5 minutes to make sure they are okay
I completely agree that hysteria seems to take over these days. I had a very happy childhood and my parents – both teachers – made very modest livings. My dad’s an artist so we visited a lot of galleries (free and sometimes boooooring, but they helped me cultivate a visual sense and an appreciation for art), we spent HOURS playing in the back garden on the swing set, digging worms, playing with the dog. I remember watching a lot of TV (this was america so it was The Brady Bunch, a gameshow called The Match Game and The Price Is Right), then of course we’d set up our own Price Is Right to play.
As for the food – ther were a lot of casseroles that involved mixing frozen vegetables with Campbell’s soups, and there was instant macaroni and cheese. These days my kids get mac and cheese made with organic cheddar in a white sauce made by my husband.
I’m sure we’ll find out just how bad all those instant-food additives were for us, but I agree that there’s a weird paranoia, and this idea that there’s a “right” or “perfect” way to do it, which of course is a joke.
In the seventies my Mum would cut off the rind of the bacon she was using in the cooking and give it to us as a snack. Umm Raw Pork Fat, whatever i make has got to be better than that. It was tasty though, but i wont be having it again!
It’s so interesting you say that. I spent the first couple of years as a mum fretting that I wasn’t living up to the template of my mother’s parenting style – and yet, when I think back now, she was far more ‘hands-off’ than I could ever be. It’s no wonder she was able to be the perfect housewife; her children just got on with it and we never even dreamt of interrupting the cooking /baking/ cleaning/gardening/flower-arranging/general home-making/and overall being fabulous that made up her day… (I would like to make it clear that she was NOT Marci from Desperate Housewives, we did interact!) It’s just that there were different expectations of what mums did in those days, I suppose.
You are so right – very much a child of the seventies myself and I remember spending summer holidays with my brothers and friends, mum only seeing us at 1pm for lunch and 6p.m for dinner and 9p.m for bed. Mum and Dad weren’t “irresponsible”, it was just what everyone did. I don’t believe mum got letters home from the school dictating what we could and couldn’t have at breaktimes or in lunch boxes but somehow we all grew up to be healthy and strong adults, and if she took us out of school for a holiday ( as dad couldn’t get leave during the summer break) it was no big deal – is it not time for the paranoia and guilt heaped on us parents today to stop (or am I simply being irresponsible again!!!)
past and present has been alot different in parenting. yes even i loved the way my parents have showered all the importance on me and the way they have pampered me . I was never able to do it that ways .. howsoever hard I have tried.
But yes there`s one thing that differentiates past from present. I would like to share it with everyone an extremely good baby registry, I found out, where we can find mom expert recommended baby furniture, baby products, baby gifts, baby clothes, baby shower gifts and more. Plus find great local baby stores, boutiques and vendors near us. A great collection and a freedom for us to create our own baby wishlists and share it with everyone..
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I loved it. I guess my parent never had an advantage like that.
Thanks for this reminder! I was thinking along these lines last night when I was insisting that my daughter ate at least one vegetable with her dinner whilst at the same time remembering that probably 4 nights out of 7 in a week I wasn’t given vegetables with my dinner. Instead a portion of Heinz spaghetti hoops would occupy the vegetable slot.
I once told her about how we used to spend most of our out of school hours in the street playing unsupervised with other kids, only to return at dinner time. One day she said longingly, “I wish I could play like you did in the 80s, even if it meant I had to eat Angel Delight.”