For a lot of first-time buyers, family advice shows up early, and it usually sounds harmless. Likely, maybe it’s the steps you don’t want to forget when you’re buying your first home. Something like that is supportive, right? Your loved ones just really want to help you out. Like, they want to share what worked for them, and some of it may even make sense even in today’smarket.
But somehow, along the way, that advice can quietly make the whole buying process feel heavier and more confusing than it already is. None of this is intentional, and of course it depends on the advice too. But sometimes, it’s best to take everyone’s advice with a grain of salt, or a whole handful maybe, and proceed with the market you find yourself in and the resources that you have.
Most Advice Comes from a Totally Different Market
I’m in my late 50s now. When I was in my mid-20s I was able to buy a flat in zone 2 in London, with a mortgage based on just my own salary, but I would never suggest to my children that such a thing was easily achievable in the current market. Things have changed a lot since the 90s – the prices were different, jobs for graduates were freely available and many paid quite well, wages stretched further, and renting didn’t eat up the same percentage of income so you could put savings aside relatively easily.
So when someone says, “Just save a bit more” or “We waited, and it worked out,” it’s not bad advice on purpose. It’s just rooted in a different reality. And sure, maybe hearing that can make first-time buyers feel like they’re missing something obvious, even when they’re not. But keep in mind that some options exist today that didn’t exist when the older generations were buying houses, like shared ownership homes, and the same goes for plenty of other options too.
Good Intentions Still Create Pressure
Family members usually mean well. They believe they are protecting you from stress or costly mistakes. Like if you’re in your 20s or 30s and wanting a house, well, your parents and grandparents are probably going to give plenty of advice. But advice like “Don’t rush” or “Make sure it’s perfect” can quietly add pressure.
Like, it turns buying into this high-stakes decision where every move feels permanent. And of course, that pressure doesn’t make things clearer. Instead, it usually does the opposite, right?
Advice Often Sounds Absolute
A lot of family advice is delivered with confidence. You know it’s the whole “Don’t buy that. Always do this. Never do that”. Maybe you’ve said something similar to someone else. And, well, when advice sounds absolute, it’s hard to question it without feeling like you’re being irresponsible. But keep in mind things have changed, as in, markets change. And of course, rules change. Besides, what worked once doesn’t automatically apply now. Oh, and treating advice as universal can quietly limit options before they’re even explored.
Context Gets Lost
Alright, but how so? Well, families love sharing stories about how they bought their first home. Like, the struggle, the win, the timing. Just all of it. What usually gets left out is the context. But what context exactly here? Well, maybe the help they received, lower costs, and having fewer hoops to jump through. So, when first-time buyers compare their situation to those stories without that context, it can feel like they’re doing something wrong.
So now I’m going to add my own bit of advice to everything else you may have received from well-meaaning relatives.The best thing you can do is consult a financial professional to find out what schemes are available in your area, and what is possible with the amount of income and savings that you and any people you are buying with can bring to the table.
Once you know exactly how much you can borrow and what the repayments look like, then you can decide exactly how feasible it is to buy, or whether you should wait a bit longer.
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