Because your brain doesn’t get the final word.
Over the last few days on this blog, I have been talking about how to turn negative thoughts into positive ones, but it isn’t always as easy as just putting a positive spin on it.
There are days when you can put a couple of gripes into your journal, and then look at them and the reframing process is easy. Just writing them down and getting them out there can be enough to make you feel better.
But sometimes, you just have a terrible day from start to finish, and are completely consumed by one derailment after another. Some days truly awful and shocking things happen, which can’t just be smoothed over with one flick of the pen. And sometimes you find yourself in a funk over a period of days when one persistent negative thought just refuses to let go of you.
We all have that inner voice — the one that pipes up with:
“You’re not doing enough.”
“You always mess things up.”
“Why even bother?”
It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
But here’s the thing: you don’t have to believe every thought you think.
You can train your brain to speak more kindly — one moment at a time.
Step 1: Notice the Thought
Start with awareness. When a negative thought shows up, pause and ask:
“Would I say this to a friend?”
If the answer is no, then it doesn’t deserve to live rent-free in your mind.
Step 2: Question It
Ask yourself:
- Is this thought 100% true?
- Is it helpful?
- What might be a more compassionate way to look at this?
You’re not trying to pretend everything’s perfect. You’re just looking for a more honest, empowering perspective.
Why Bother?
First of all, why should you reframe your negative thoughts? Technically, you don’t need to, but it can help to maintain a positive attitude as you go through life.
It is not what happens to you that defines you, but how you deal with it.
Everyone has things that go wrong or unexpectedly in their life, but not everyone has a negative attitude about it. Why? Because some people have learned how to cope with the bad things and somehow turn them into good things, even if they are just putting a positive spin on something that had really unfortunate timing.
And sometimes, when you take a second look at something after the event, once everybody has cooled down, you can see that actually it wasn’t your fault at all and you have nothing to feel guilty or bad about.
Write Everything Down
If you are a little overwhelmed by all the negative things happening on a particularly bad day, just take a step back, take a breath, and write it down.
Get out your journal and detail everything that has happened. Describe in detail why you are having a bad day, what has happened or gone wrong, and what you have done about it.
In some cases, you find positives just by writing it all down. In others, you just feel a little lighter having vented through journaling. And in other situations, you might find that you didn’t have the best response to something, and you were actually the reason it went bad.
This intention is a really important lesson to learn moving forward.
There is (almost) Always a Positive Spin
This might not be true for all bad things in your life, but there is usually a positive spin you can put on most situations.
It might be that you made a mistake, learned from it, and will try harder not to make it in the future. Or the positive spin is just that the bad or embarrassing moment is over, and now you don’t have to relive it.
In other situations, maybe you had to go somewhere new because the place you usually visit was closed, and while this put you in a sour mood, you met someone new at this new place. Cherish and appreciate these unexpected moments, because they really provide you with a lot more positivity.
At the end of the day, when you are still struggling, just appreciate that the day is over and now you can move on from it.
This is Day 4 of a free 7-day Positive Thinking Challenge. Each day includes a short, powerful mindset shift to help you think better, feel clearer, and treat yourself with more compassion. There is still time to join us for 7 days of fun. Please sign up below.
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